A Guide to Building Relationships With Your New Team

Building Strong Relationships with Your New Team

Your success in a new role depends heavily on your ability to collaborate effectively with your team. Here's how to build those crucial relationships.

1. The Initial Introduction

• Schedule One-on-Ones: Ask your manager to help you schedule brief (15-20 minute) introductory meetings with each team member.
• Prepare Questions: Come prepared with questions about their role, how you might work together, and their experience at the company.

2. Be a Good Listener

• Focus on Understanding: In your initial interactions, focus on learning about your colleagues' roles, challenges, and communication preferences.
• Remember Details: Make an effort to remember personal details they share (e.g., hobbies, interests) to build rapport.

3. Offer, and Ask for, Help

• Be Proactive: If you see a teammate is struggling with a heavy workload, offer to help if you have the capacity.
• Don't Be Afraid to Ask: Asking for help shows humility and respect for your colleagues' expertise.

4. Participate in Social Activities

• Join Virtual or In-Person Events: Whether it's a team lunch or a virtual coffee chat, participating in non-work activities is a great way to build connections.

5. Provide and Receive Feedback Gracefully

• Positive Feedback: When you notice a colleague has done great work, acknowledge it.
• Constructive Feedback: When you receive feedback, listen openly and thank the person for their input.

FAQs

Q: What if a team member seems unreceptive or distant? A: Give it time. Continue to be professional, polite, and do great work. Some people take longer to warm up to new colleagues. Focus on building relationships with others, and they may come around.

Q: How do I build relationships in a fully remote team? A: Be extra intentional. Use video calls instead of just audio, participate actively in team chat channels, and suggest virtual social events like online games or coffee breaks.

Building Strong Relationships with Your New Team

Your success in a new role depends heavily on your ability to collaborate effectively with your team. Research shows that employees with strong relationships at work are 50% more engaged and 10x more likely to be retained. Here's how to build those crucial relationships intentionally and authentically.

Why Team Relationships Matter

Before we dive into tactics, understand why this matters beyond just "being nice":

Strong relationships enable:

• Better Communication: You feel comfortable raising concerns and sharing ideas
• Faster Learning: People are more willing to help you when they like you
• Greater Influence: You can lead and drive change without formal authority
• Job Satisfaction: You genuinely enjoy your work and time with colleagues
• Career Opportunities: Opportunities often come from people who know and trust you

Bad relationships, conversely, create toxicity, miscommunication, and stunted career growth. Building relationships is a strategic career move, not just a nice thing to do.

See also: How to Find a Mentor at a New Company – The first relationship you should build.

1. The Initial Introduction: Structure Matters

Don't leave these introductions to chance. Be intentional.

How to Request One-on-Ones:

Contact each teammate (through your manager or directly, depending on culture):

"Hi [Name], I'm new to the team and want to get to know everyone. Would you have 15-20 minutes in the next week for a quick coffee (virtual or in-person) so I can learn about your role and how we'll work together?"

Why 15-20 minutes?

• Long enough to have a real conversation
• Short enough that busy people can easily accommodate you
• Signals you respect their time
• Allows you to meet everyone without taking forever

Before Each Meeting:

• Review their LinkedIn or internal profile
• Check what projects they're working on
• Identify 3-4 specific questions you want to ask
• Have a notebook or device ready to take notes

Sample Questions:

• "Could you tell me about your role and the main projects you're working on right now?"
• "What's been your experience on this team so far?"
• "What do you wish someone had told you when you joined?"
• "What's your preferred way to communicate-Slack, email, in-person?"
• "What are the biggest challenges the team is facing right now?"
• "What's something you're passionate about outside of work?" (builds personal connection)

2. Be a Good Listener

Listening is the foundation of relationship-building, but true active listening is rare-and it's a superpower.

The Art of Active Listening:

• Put Away Distractions: No phone, no email, no side tabs. Face them and make eye contact.
• Focus on Understanding, Not Responding: Your job is to understand their perspective, not to plan what you'll say next.
• Ask Follow-Up Questions: When they mention something interesting, drill deeper. "Tell me more about that" shows genuine interest.
• Reflect Back: Periodically summarize what you've heard. "So if I'm understanding right, you're saying..." This confirms understanding and shows you're engaged.
• Remember Details: Write down personal details (family names, hobbies, concerns). Reference them later.
• Avoid Early Judgment: Keep an open mind. You're learning their perspective, not evaluating them.

What NOT to Do:

• Don't interrupt with your own stories
• Don't one-up their experiences ("Oh, that's nothing, once I...")
• Don't give unsolicited advice
• Don't dismiss their concerns
• Don't look at your watch or phone

Why This Works: Most people are starved for genuine listening. When you give it, people naturally like you and open up. You become known as someone who understands their needs and concerns.

3. Remember and Use Details

Taking notes isn't enough-you need to actually remember and reference what people tell you.

How to Build a Teammate Profile:

Create a simple spreadsheet or document with each teammate:

• Name and role
• Key projects they're working on
• Career aspirations
• Communication preferences
• Personal interests/family info
• Important upcoming events (presentations, deadlines)
• How they prefer to be recognized

Then Actually Use It:

• "Hey Sarah, how did that presentation go last week?"
• "I know you were worried about the Q4 deadline. Have you made progress?"
• "Did you end up going on that camping trip you mentioned?"
• Reference their interests in conversations
• Ask about their career goals and help connect them with opportunities

This transforms you from "the new person" to "someone who genuinely cares about our success."

4. Offer, and Ask for, Help

Relationships are built through reciprocal support. Your goal is to be someone people want to help and want to work with.

Offering Help:

• Notice When Others Are Overwhelmed: If someone looks swamped, offer to help
• Be Specific: "Can I take X off your plate?" beats "Let me know if you need anything"
• Follow Through: If you offer, deliver. Nothing kills relationships faster than undone promises

Example:

"I see you're juggling the presentation and the client feedback. I have some bandwidth right now-would it help if I consolidated that feedback spreadsheet for you?"

Asking for Help:

• Don't Be Afraid: Asking for help actually builds relationships
• Be Specific About What You Need: "I'm stuck on X. You've done this before. Could you show me your approach?"
• Show Appreciation: Thank people genuinely. Acknowledge their effort.
• Reciprocate: When they ask you for help, be generous with your time

Example:

"I'm trying to understand how our deployment process works. I know you've done this a hundred times. Would you be willing to walk me through one? I promise to take detailed notes so I don't need to ask again."

The Psychology: Benjamin Franklin wrote about the "Benjamin Franklin effect"-people who do you a favor actually like you more afterward. By asking for help (in a non-needy way), you're actually building relationships. And by helping others, you become someone they appreciate and respect.

5. Participate in Social and Non-Work Activities

Not all relationship-building happens in task-focused contexts. Create moments to connect as humans.

In-Office Settings:

• Eat Lunch Together: Ask teammates to grab lunch or eat in a common area
• Attend Social Events: Company happy hours, team lunches, celebrations
• Participate in Office Life: Join the Slack fun channels, participate in office jokes (respectfully)
• Grab Coffee: "Want to grab coffee?" is a low-pressure way to spend informal time

In Remote Settings:

Remote makes this harder, but it's not impossible:

• Virtual Coffee: Schedule casual video chats, even 15 minutes
• Team Lunch or Dinner: If your company offers it, join
• Participate in Slack: React to messages, contribute to non-work channels
• Video On: Use video during meetings; it builds connection better than just audio
• Suggest Virtual Social Events: Game nights, virtual trivia, skill-shares

Why This Matters:

• You see colleagues as humans, not just workers
• They let their guard down and are more authentic
• Trust builds faster in relaxed settings
• You learn about their values, interests, and personalities

6. Provide and Receive Feedback Gracefully

Feedback is the lifeblood of strong working relationships. How you handle it (both giving and receiving) defines your relationships.

Giving Positive Feedback:

• Be Specific: "Great job on that presentation" is nice. "Your explanation of X was really clear, and it helped me understand why we made that choice" is powerful
• Be Timely: Give it soon after the thing you're complimenting
• Be Genuine: Only praise things you actually believe in
• Make It Public: Mention their good work in team meetings or Slack (depending on the culture)

Example:

"I wanted to tell you that the way you handled that conflict in today's meeting was really impressive. You listened to both sides and found a solution that nobody initially considered. That's the kind of collaborative problem-solving this team needs."

Receiving Feedback:

• Listen Without Defensiveness: Don't interrupt or explain. Just absorb it.
• Thank Them: "Thank you for that feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to share this."
• Show You're Taking Action: Later, "Hey, I've been thinking about what you said about X. I've been trying to do Y differently. Does it feel like an improvement?"

Example:

"That's really helpful to know. I didn't realize that my approach to [X] was causing [Y problem]. I appreciate you being direct about it. I'm going to change how I approach this."

Why This Matters:

• You become known as someone who can take feedback
• You signal you're interested in growth
• You build trust by proving you'll actually change
• Colleagues feel safe giving you honest feedback

See also: How to Build Executive Presence at Work – Feedback is central to executive development.

7. Find and Highlight Shared Values

The strongest relationships are built on aligned values. Look for shared interests and principles.

Ways to Discover Shared Values:

• Listen carefully in conversations
• Notice what people get passionate about
• Look at what causes they support (check LinkedIn)
• Pay attention to how they treat people
• Ask directly: "What matters most to you in your work?"

Example Shared Values:

• Quality: You both care deeply about building excellent products
• Collaboration: You both value team success over individual achievement
• Learning: You both prioritize continuous growth
• Integrity: You both want to do the right thing
• Innovation: You both want to push boundaries

How to Leverage This: Once you know what matters to them, acknowledge it:

"I know you care a lot about building maintainable code, and I do too. That's why I appreciated your code review feedback on my PR-it pushed me to write something better."

Or: "I respect how you always make time to mentor junior developers. I want to develop that skill too. Could I shadow you?"

Building Relationships in Different Settings

Remote Teams

• Over-communicate: What you don't do in person, make up for in intentional communication
• Use Video: Turn on your camera during meetings
• Be Active in Channels: Slack is your office-use it to build connections
• Suggest Regular 1-1s: Build cadence into your interactions
• Lean Into Async: Share interesting articles or thoughts in channels; people will engage

Hybrid Teams

• Be Present for In-Office Days: Show up when the team is together
• Schedule Coffee Chats: Both in-person and virtual
• Don't Let Remote People Get Forgotten: Make special effort to include them in conversations
• Use Transitions: The 10 minutes before meetings and after work are gold for relationship-building

Co-Located Teams

• Use Physical Space: Sit near teammates, eat lunch together, use casual time intentionally
• Create Rituals: Regular coffee runs, lunch groups, Friday hangouts
• Balance Casual and Intentional: Some relationships grow from casual interaction, but don't rely on luck-still schedule 1-on-1s

Common Relationship-Building Mistakes

Mistake 1: Only Talking About Work You'll never build a strong relationship if you only discuss projects. Share a bit of yourself. Appropriate personal sharing builds connection.

Mistake 2: Being Fake People sense inauthenticity immediately. Be yourself (your professional self, but yourself). The relationships that matter are built on genuine connection.

Mistake 3: Networking Without Genuine Interest Some people approach relationships transactionally ("What can this person do for me?"). This fails. Lead with genuine curiosity and interest. Value follows.

Mistake 4: Disappearing After the Initial Meeting You scheduled a coffee chat, had a nice conversation, and then never spoke to them again. Relationships require continuity. Make regular contact a habit.

Mistake 5: Forgetting Names and Details Nothing signals "I don't care" like forgetting someone's name. Use their name, remember what they told you, and reference it. Shows respect.

Mistake 6: Complaining Too Much Every new employee has moments of frustration. But leading with complaints ("This place is so disorganized") kills relationships. Be positive while you're still building trust.

FAQs

Q: What if a team member seems unreceptive or distant?

A: Different people have different styles. Some people take longer to warm up-it doesn't mean they dislike you. Your approach:

1. Continue to be professional, polite, and genuinely interested
2. Don't force intimacy (some people just prefer professional distance)
3. Find common ground through work first
4. Don't take it personally; people have lives you don't know about
5. Give it at least 3-6 months before concluding they're rejecting you

Often, the "distant" person will warm up once they see you're trustworthy and competent.

Q: How do I build relationships in a fully remote team?

A: Be extra intentional:

• Schedule regular 1-on-1s with everyone, not just your manager
• Use video in all meetings
• Participate actively in Slack channels (react, respond, share)
• Suggest virtual social events (game nights, skill-shares, virtual coffee)
• Over-communicate about your thinking and work so people feel connected
• Remember details from conversations and bring them up later
• Be available and responsive to Slack and messages

Remote requires more intentional effort, but it's absolutely possible.

Q: How do I handle a teammate I genuinely don't like?

A: You don't have to be best friends with everyone. Your job is to be professional and find a working relationship:

1. Identify where your values align (there's usually something)
2. Keep interactions professional and focused
3. Don't trash-talk them (everyone will hear about it)
4. Find the minimum viable relationship needed to work well together
5. Spend less social time with them, but be respectful in work interactions

The relationship doesn't have to be warm-just functional and respectful.

Q: Should I try to be friends with my team outside of work?

A: It's great if it happens naturally, but don't force it. The key is:

• Let friendships develop organically based on shared interests
• Maintain some professional boundaries (even with friends)
• Don't show favoritism in work decisions
• Be careful about what you share (what you tell friends gets back to the team)

Some of your best work relationships will be people you respect but don't see outside of work.

Your Action Plan

Week 1:

1. Schedule one-on-one coffee/lunches with each team member
2. Prepare specific questions for each
3. Create a simple document to track teammates' names, roles, and interests

Weeks 2-4:

1. Complete the initial one-on-one meetings
2. Review your notes and look for patterns and shared interests
3. Find small ways to help team members

Month 2:

1. Follow up with teammates about things they mentioned
2. Share something interesting (article, insight) with someone
3. Suggest a team activity or meal

Ongoing:

1. Remember details about people's lives and reference them
2. Offer help when you see someone overwhelmed
3. Give specific, genuine feedback
4. Participate in team activities
5. Find moments for casual connection

The Goal: By month 3, you should be comfortable with your team, they should know you're engaged and helpful, and relationships should feel natural rather than forced. From there, you nurture and deepen these relationships throughout your tenure.